Some of my friends made a joke that when you are getting married, you are bound to wake up early morning to prepare breakfast, to do laundry, to iron the clothes and doing all the housewife thingy. I did not have a stress on it. Aily and I had the same thought of what marriage are. So, I did not have to fake myself on my day 1 of being his wife. We had this mutual understanding. We can say NO on the things we do not like to do, and can say YES to the thing that we like.

However, it's a major different story upon holding this tittle. A mommy. Because everything related to baby is big YES.

Even if you say NO, I DON'T WANT TO BATH HIM NOW but YES YOU HAVE TO BATH HIM NOW.

No compromise. Instead, it teaches you to be even discipline.

During the early days after confinement, Aily and I found , it was hard to have a morning cuddle on weekend, taking shower together, resting on the bed together, eating together. Because we were taking turn to take care of Mikael, even when he was sleeping. #firsttimeparent'sproblem.

I find it was hard to respond to his kisses before he is off to work,  because I was so sleepy! I used to annoy him in the morning, taking his photos while sleeping and sending it to his whatsApp with funny caption... argh, I find it hard to do it! All I want to do is sleeping when Aily is home and let him to handle Mikael.

BUT NO.

Even if I say I want to sleep.. listening to Mikael's crying voice, I would get up. Not even a second I can put my eyes to sleep because my mind and heart were thinking of him. Before the presence of Mikael, AIly and I planned to have a rotation, in which I will pump my breast milk, so that he could take care of him on the weekend night, and I will enjoy my night sleep. But no, I did not have the confidence to let Aily handled my Mikael. Not even dare to close my eyes.



I was trying to look out for perfection in this journey, only to realize, I should be the one who create my own definition of perfection. I love to plan everything, but on this journey, you have to accept that, not everything can be planned, the perfection comes from the practise, not the planning. 

Days and weeks passed, Aily and I get used to this journey together. Now, we know, when is the right timing to change his diaper without him spraying his pee to us and on the bed. When to put him to sleep, how do we know if he is sleepy and so many things.

Now, we got back our routines together, we have our morning cuddles, we shower together, we eat together. I still went to my monthly waxing centre, nail saloon, going to bookstore to read free books, going to shopping mall just to try out their clothes. haha. Everything went back to normal. The key is to be flexible with the changes.
and also, we do not have any official family photo.



Mikael and Daddy




"I am indeed a very good boy. I was 1 month and 25 days"

If you were to ask me, what is the hardest part of this motherhood journey? Nursing in public. I have  to cover this and that, argh. I just wish to open everything haha but I just cant.  His growth and calories are depends on me. Sometimes , Aily would give him EBM, but, deep down inside my heart, I don't trust its hygiene, like how would I know that , there's no bacteria in there, despite our excellent EBM practice. Hence, I rather breastfeed.

My advice to all the first time parents.. just do it. You will get to understand your baby as the day passes. I know I might not the best person to say this, but Aily and I speak toleration in this journey, and it helps a lot, mentally and physically. Good Luck.

P/s: funny thing about motherhood is, whenever you want to do your  "big bussiness"  you have to let the toilet's door open & there was a time, Mikael was crying for milk and I had to force stop the operation, and resume back after feeding him. It was gross, I know, but  mommies out there, don't lie - I know you do that too :P.