Wednesday, 16 August 2017

Dearest Zaki...

Dearest Zaki,

Now, I am writing a post especially for you. I don't know whether you can understand English, or you asked someone to translate this for you, or whatever you are doing, I really hope you can find my blog and able to read this post. By the time you read this, I hope you now understand life very well. How's the operation goes and what's revolving around you. I honestly, don't know how old are you, 13 years old?. Because I never care how much you have aged.

When I talk to my nephew and reminisced all his childhood memories, you joined the conversation.. and you asked me, how was you childhood and babyhood memories.. I HONESTLY DOUBLE HONESTLY, DON'T KNOW. I just remember your father came to my house and told my family that you were walloped by your biological mother because he found out that your biological father had another woman, and you were the victim, and because you mom, hated your dad so much, you were "thrown away", because you had your dad's blood. Now, your mom is married to another guy. But, I was unwilling to tell you that. Everyone has their beautiful childhood and babyhood memories, but not for you. My maternal grandparents  took care of you and when they died, you were adopted to my home.

You were sent to Sekolah Tahfiz, but your mudir called mom, on your in disciplinary cases and yadda yadda yadda. Finally, you were kicked out. Don't you know, how naughty you are? MAIGOD, you even teased me with cats and kittens some more!,

But, there was a time, when I found that you are cute haha

"Zaki, kau rasa kau ni hensem ka? Sebab aku rasa kau ni hensem lah, cuba aku tengok ba muka kau ni"

HAHAHA, and you were embarrased and you told me:

"Eeehh kak, jangan la kau tengok aku macam gitu" HAHAHAHAHA, We both laughing.

And there was a time, when my mom forced you to perform prayer, and she asked you to recite your do'a, and I was eavesdropping: 

"Ya Allah, semoga bapakku masuk Islam dan semoga Kau bantulah aku supaya hidupku dalam rahmatMu" 


And I asked him: 

"Kenapa kau doakan bapakmu supaya masuk islam dan siapa ajar kau baca doa tu?"

"Yang aku doakan bapakku masuk islam tu, sebab ialah, bapakku tu tidak sembahyang, kalau orang Islam kan mesti sembahyang, jadi aku doakan dia masuk Islam lah, macam kita. Doa tu, makcik yang ajarlah, supaya aku tidak buat jahat nanti kalau aku besar" 

"Bagus.. bagus.. nanti kau doakan lagi aku supaya jadi makin cantik okay. hahahah" I replied.

"Eeh, mana boleh berdoa begitu ahahhahaha" He replied again. 

There was a moment when you told me: 

"Nanti kalau aku masuk Syurga, aku doakan , makcik, pakcik sama kakak masuk syurga"

"Kenapa kau doakan aku? mesti aku ni baik kan, lepas tu cantik lagi, kau suka aku ka?" 

"Bukan lah, aku doakan lah supaya kamu masuk syurga" 

"Kenapa kau tidak doakan kak Yna masuk syurga? Aku bagitau c Yna, kau tidak doakan dia masuk Syurga.. tunggu la kau... "

"eeeee, kau ni kak hahahhaha.." 

We both laughing.

There was a moment, I was very mad at you, because I told you to chase the cats away from me but, you teased me instead!, 

I hate you for doing this. 

Because, I don't have a baby brother, somehow, I treated you like one: 

"Eh, do you want to go somewhere? but this is our secret okay, don't tell anyone, don't tell Bobo, dont tell angah, dont tell my mom, don't tell my dad, don't tell Yna, don't tell anyone, okay!" 

"Okay, promise"


You surely someone who can't keep any secrets. 

And, there was a time, when we went to supermarket and a group of guys teasing me, and you told me: 

"Kak, dorang tu macam mengurat kau"

"Mestilah, aku kan cantik.." 

"Kak, lelaki itu kirim salam"

"Eeh, kau jangan layan lelaki begitu, nanti kalau ada orang cakap begitu, kau cakap la aku ni mama mu okay, atau sudah kahwin ka"

"Kak, kenapa kau tidak mao kena urat oleh dorang?"

"Eeh jellek, kau mao ka aku kawin dengan orang begitu? Patutnya kau doakan aku kawin dengan anak sultan ka anak Najib ka"

"hahahhaa, kau ni kak" 

And, because I told you, to tell men that I am your mother.. guy senior approached me

"Hey Masfara, kau sudah kawin ka? Kenapa budak tu cakap kau tu mama nya?"


"Maigod, Muhammad Zaki, kau ni memang menjatuhkan maruah ku, kalau kau nampak lelaki tu macam hensem sikit ka, atau baik sikit ka, jangan la kau cakap aku ni mamak mu, kau cakap la aku ni kakak mu jak.. kau ni!"

We both laughed.

Hey Zaki, you asked me what was your babyhood memories, I can't answer you and I don't know the sweet one, but, I was typing 1% of your childhood memories here, so, whenever you feel sad or hopeless, please lah read this hahah. 

AND.... you questioned me..

"Kak, kenapa kalau ada kawan mu dari Semenanjung datang pergi rumah kita, kau tiba-tiba cakap Bajau, kalau tiada kawan mu datang, kau cakap English, kalau c Pina datang, kau cakap Cina tiba-tiba, Melayu" 

"Aku cakap Bajau, sebab aku tidak mao dorang tahu apa aku cakap, aku cakap English sebab aku tidak mao kau tahu apa aku cakap, kalau aku cakap Cina tu maksudnya aku tidak mao c Yna tau apa aku cakap, kalau aku cakap Melayu maksudnya aku mao kamu semua faham apa aku cakap. Sekarang aku cakap apa? Melayu kan, maksudnya aku mao kau faham lah. hahaha"

"Eh kak, kau ni jahat lah" 

"Sebab itulah kau mesti belajar banyak bahasa"


Nah Zaki, I don't know, how's your future might leads you, but whatever it is, you will experience some hurdles or frustration, and you cannot give up on your live and do something bad? 

Do you still remember what my grandmom told you and you cried so hard? 

"Muhammad Zaki, bang kaailu maghinang kala'atan bang ka aheya na, amasusah mundusia, ambal patotog nu pikilan nu, kaailu anggaika umpuku, saai la lahak ku bettehek, saai lahak tapahilalak ku bettehek" 

"Muhammad Zaki, kalau kau buat kejahatan dekat orang kalau kau sudah besar, kau suka susahkan orang, ada pemikiran yang tidak baik sudah, kau bukan cucu ku, sebab aku tiada darah macam tu, tidak pernah ada darah yang aku jaga dan pelihara buat kejahatan dengan orang, jadi kalau kau mao jadi cucu ku, jadilah orang yang baik-baik" 

And you cried so hard, because you did something bad. 

So, whatever life leads you, be nice to people.. and you should remember what my mom taught u.. 

Kau bantulah aku supaya hidupku dalam rahmatMu" 

Okay Zaki, sekarang kau rasa siapa cantik? Kak yna ka atau aku? 


Chin up!. 

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