Seriously, University and KL and it's people really taught me how to appreciate things I had back home. The moments, when I seriously wore my high heels when I was 9, and being forced to wear gown and skirts, had my make-up on for wedding ceremonies, brought to Beauty Saloon for wig and make up and everything of the girls will done for the beauty. I had it before. And everything changed when I entered UKM, I seriously did not realized the changes. Again, without me knowing, I was so...

I was so menyampah with high heels, 
I was so menyampah with skirts and gown, 
I was so menyampah and paranoid with make up and all,
I was so menyampah with girly thingy. 
I mean, I am okay with being feminim, but not that girly looks. 
I lied myself,  I told myself, I like Red not Pink. End up, I bought all pink items, and changed my decision to I LIKE ALL COLOURS DON'T ASKED ME WHAT COLOR I LIKE. Now, I actually like Pink. High 5 to all pink lovers out there. 

I realized the changes when my friend Cidak, voiced it out, the first time we met after several years in Raya Aidil Adha at UKM Bangi, She asked:


I remember when I complaint to family, I want a ready-to-wear Baju Kurung for Hari Raya. Because on that time, I was thinking that, it was lame to set an appointment for the tailor (she was actually a designer, but,  I was a kid. everyone who sew the clothes are tailor, in which I did not take their hierarchy into account. I was no naive and know nothing about life. Until I know about the difference, between ready made clothes and clothes that is made for you. I was so lucky.

My mom, always want us (their girls) to wear skirts and gown instead of trousers or jeans. And having a sports shoes is a kind of haram for mom. She only accepts ladies sandal or semi-heels and would make her smile, if we wore high heels. Because I was the tallest amongst my friends, so, I will try to avoid wearing high heels whenever we gathered. Especially, hari raya. I was so insecure of my tallness. Insecure of being the tallest among the girls. So, what did I do, whenever my dad driver sent me off to my friends place, I will placed my sandal inside the car first. Will use it when I am with them. The reason why I dislike marching. Tallest people would be placed behindddddddddd the group. But, when I was with family, high heels were not a problem. Because, having a family in which the majority are girls, of course, there were no holes to make me insecure of myself. When I entered UKM, mom asked me, the moment I went back for holiday:


She actually referred to sneaker. To her, only boys can wear that. I replied, "mom, this is what people used in university. I managed to win her thought. Awww.. I seriously miss watching our high heels and cluthces and handbags arranged in a mirror shelves. I really really miss that.

Another semester break came, and I went back for holiday too, she asked me: 


I joint many activities, so I need to wear this kind of bag, less hassle, and somehow, I need to put my laptop inside. 

Once again, I won. 

I always accompany my family and mom and dad for shopping of so many large and massive items, which requires a huge numbers of money. Always accompany mom going for grocery shopping and ended up paying almost thousands ringgit for it. My family taught me on how to be an independent girl, so I will go to buy my own stationeries, my own school shoes and bla bla bla with our helper. I was the one who was holding the money. I was doing it since I was in the primary school. Since I know how to read and calculate numbers. So, I have my own freedom to choose anything. But, I tend to follow what my friends had. For example, my dad gave me a pocket money to school, since my friends brought their lunch pack, I want it too. Money was not a big matter those days, I did not want it either.  All I want was my lunch pack. . But the pitfalls of being treated like that are, you will think that okay, this one is cheaper, okey that one also cheaper, okay that thing is also cheaper. BOROS, and you will get bored to go out with people who is a shopper-strict. 3 years ago, I did not understand about how susah family cari duit. I don't even think of hard it is to earn money. That thought will never crossed inside my mind. But.. that was last time. Now, I can manage my money. I need to have more savings, because you never know, what will happen to the economy right now. Plus, this is my final year, of course, dad won't give me an allowance. Having a family who is so busy with business back then, really made me being an independent girl, but still within my mom's monitoring. 

Because, home was full of dad and mom's girl back then, make-up and all were not foreign to me. Since, I was 13, I went to hostel and my sisters and brothers gettin' married, and I had no one to play with or to make up- make up me. That was the time, when I was little, me and Yna became their face experiments, and in every occasions, I got my make up on. Thats explain, why I was so fed up with make-up thingy. But, that was last time. 

I really wanted to tell more about my life, how the system in my family works, how did mom taught us and how did dad pampered us, but I guess, words are not even enough to describe everything in a time. 

After all, mom knows the best for us. She predicts our future so well, now I miss being in high heels, but still, I don't miss make up, don't miss skirts, but yeah for gown, I miss being pampered in beauty, and I miss when my sisters entered room to room just to asked for our opinions on their clothes and all. Missing everything about us. Now, all of them are home, except me. I want home too 😭.